Chew the Fat

*sigh* The starbucks tumbler with the changeable design. It had her picture on it. “That’s my girl, the only one I’ve loved.”: My line to anyone who’d care to listen at work. Now I know how stupid I sounded.

And so I said to myself: “Remember this moment, coz now you know what being wounded feels like.”

Note to self: Learn to trust your gut-feel.

Ok. So maybe I don’t dance. So what? So fucking what?

If you really thought that I was special to you, you wouldn’t have done what you’ve done.

Adobo won’t ever be the same again.

You say i’m not a bad thing, so what was I? A so-so thing? You got bored, admit that at least.

A sad thought: Your the best liar I know. Quality not quantity.

I guess history really repeats itself. I should have known better.

You’ll always be my greatest… disappointment.

Half a gigabyte of pictures: CTRL + A, DEL.

I guess theater acting really IS conducive to romance.

Hahaha This situation seems really familiar to me. I have the feeling this has happened before… Oh yes it did! Remember? Only now I’m on the losing end. And you still win. Cheers!

Now what the hell do I say to my lolo and lola?!!

Someone’s fucking with me, this is third time since Sept. 5 that I’ve glanced at the clock and it said: 3:33am. Fuck you clock.

What the hell are you searching for???

Google: “Your search - how to un-love (name) - did not match any documents.”

You can’t even begin to understand how deeply you’ve hurt me. You have no fuckin’ idea.

I remember the few times I saw you cry. I told myself I don’t want to see you hurt again. I guess I won’t. Ever again.

I remember the rush of love whenever you look at me. I remember the tenderness of your embrace. I remember you, and how you beautiful you are, and how you’re never going to be mine again.

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt

I told you I want you to be happy. I want you to do whatever makes you happy. And you did. Now look where It got me.

It’s true, you taught me how love, now I kinda wish you didn’t.

I never thought I would ever feel this hurt and betrayed.

I never thought I would be this bitter.

Good Riddance.

Main Entry: so–called
Pronunciation: \’sō-’kold\
Function: adjective
Date: 15th century

1 : commonly named : popularly so termed

2 : falsely or improperly so named

Reprieve from the pain comes few and far apart. I can go through days
thinking only of you and what you’ve done. It’s like a madness that has
me clutching at my hair and punching the walls, trying to match the
pain in my chest with causing myself bodily harm. I’ve entertained
thoughts of eternal sleep. In the past I’ve found it funny when I hear
people say they’d rather die than go through whatever it is they’re
going through. Well, I’ve welcomed myself to the club and you’re
probably laughing now.

I try not to let it affect me outside. I try to function as I’ve always
had, I make sure that no one is the wiser. But I laugh less now, and
when I do it feels strained, like trying to laugh when you know the
joke is on you. I smoke more earnestly now, like I can’t seem to get
enough. Stares into space are more common, so are the sudden pains in
the chest which has me wanting to go fetal. It’s like being perpetually
hung over, a bitter reality that I can’t seem to accept no matter how
many times I barf.

I appreciate the times when I smile and when happy thoughts cross my
mind, coz I don’t really know when the thought of you is going to
envelope me with sadness. It’s like being blanketed by sorrow, my soul
being eclipsed by memories I don’t have any control over. I remember
how you smile when you see me back then, with your arms outstretched
and your eyes twinkling. It tears me to know that that radiance and
that embrace is already for another. I remember when every meal was an
event in itself, even when all we had was tilapia and red eggs. I can
still feel the desperate grip of your embrace during the few times I
made you cry, how you clinged to me and made me promise not to hurt you
again. I remember how we were, and how you are now, and how I’m still
caught in a love story that has already ended.

I was naive to believe that you needed to find yourself. That
eventually you’ll find your way back to me. That somehow I’ll still be
your choice. It seems Ive been relegated to a lesson. A fond memory of
a so-called choice that you could not stand up for. A promise of love
that you somehow forgot.